Monday, September 15, 2025

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Written Friday, November 8th, 2012

Today I have been thinking about personal changes, looking back in review of what I have allowed to control my life, things I miss, and hope to one day achieve again.

I truly miss the ranch.  It took till 1994 in Molalla, OR, to realize how much land and cattle had been instilled in me as a little girl and the hole within me that had been locked away as I missed the connection over my life.  The important link between land and animals was set in place when I was born on the Lim Family farm, June 25, 1947 located in Riverside located west of Blackfoot, ID. This was farming community which had an Elementary school, Latter Day Church and Peterson Family owned Store.  I still remember the wooden floors when we walked in.

Grandma Mary's home was not very farm from the Peterson Store.  We could walk to the church through Grandma's back yard.  Grandma Mary was the only Grandparent I knew when I was little.  Mary Draper married my grandfather, Rulon Virgil Lim after his first wife died from complications with birth of baby girl.  The baby died two weeks after Grandma passed.

My dad, Leland was 7 when Grandpa married Grandma Mary.  With this union came her family of sons and daughters and more cousins.  My favorite aunts were Aunt Evelyn and Aunt Norma.  Evelyn was a daughter and Aunt Norma, daughter-in-law. 

Animals were my first friends......
Puff,... a big orange cat was my baby doll.  He allowed me to dress him in doll clothes;  push him around in my buggy.  He would sit under the lilac bush while I made mud pies in my little garden kitchen.  He put up with me all day unless he had a bathroom call.

Shep,... was really Dad's dog, but he kept track of me. Such as the time, Candy (2) and I (3) went for a very long walk through the west pasture.  When we came to the fence, I got through, climbed up to the railroad track with the Shep following.  Candy got stuck in the fence and was later heard by a neighbor. The neighbor, Mrs. Ellis, untangled Candy and started going to each neighbor asking if anyone knew this little girl. 

Fred, Peg and Candy Brown were living with us while Brown's were building their new home.

When Mrs. Ellis finally came to our home, all were relieved and asked where I was.  The search continued.... 

Mother coming home from teaching; Peg, Candy's mother, had been out doing the county census.  Dad and Fred, Candy's dad, were working in the barn. Mother and Peg arrived home about the same time and discovered 2 little girls were nowhere in the house, all started checking around the farm.  

Dad knew that with the dog gone, he was with me.  Mrs. Ellis went back to the tracks and walked away.  Soon she saw something in the distance, which was the dog's tail movement.  She finally caught up to me, but Shep wouldn't allow Mrs. Ellis near me.  I continued walking further down the tracks while Mrs. Ellis dealt with the dog.  

Not sure how long it took for the dog to decide I was ok, and he headed back home.   Dad said when he saw the dog running through the pasture, they knew I had been found.  When I got home, it was time for a spanking and a nap.  Candy had had her spanking, a nap, and was ready to play.

Silver,...was my all-white horse. I could stand under him, crawl between his legs, lounge on him and he was always quiet and calm. Oftentimes, I rode him bareback. Silver was the best babysitter and first-time horse.

Dad told the story of one time driving into the yard, and I was busy trying to get on Silver.  I had stacked up cabbage crates, climbed up on them, then tried to get onto Silver's back. The stack was swaying as was Silver. Neither were in the same direction or timing.   Dad said he held his breath and hoped no noise would startle the horse. Finally, I was able to slide onto the horse, just as the crates fell.  I rode down the lane out into the front pasture.

Silver was the best babysitter and was often used as a pack horse when dad and brothers went hunting.  

One trip, one of the uncles used medicine they used for injuries and painted a ring around Silver's left eye and teased me about my new horse named Ring.  

One time, I discovered you should not be barefoot around horses.  I was cleaning Silver's hooves. He took a step and stepped on my foot.  Oh, the PAIN!  A lesson quickly learned, and luckily not a broken foot.

I had numerous experiences on the farm.  Once, I walked into the barn while Dad was milking. One of the cow's kicked back and sent me flying across the barn.  I had a headache for a bit and a nasty lump on my head.

I started driving at age 3. The tractor.  Dad started the tractor up. He had shown me how to shift and brake. I drove down the field while Dad bucked hay.  At the end of the field, Dad turned the tractor around, and down the next section we went. 

On my 9th birthday, we were playing and decided to jump out of the hay loft into a hay pile. One jump I landed on a rusty nail, my left knee took the hit.  I still have the scar.

Once in a while, I would get to go to a cousin's home and play and sometimes cousins came over.  The factor for this was dependent on who could drive me and everyone's schedule with farm duties.  But most days, the farm was my playground.   

One memory was a snowy day. Across the road from our home was a big empty area.  I got dressed in winter clothing. The socks were dad's army socks he wore in Alaska, and they were long and folded over. Dad tied a long rope onto the back of the car and to my saucer. He pulled me around for quite a while. Me sliding and hollering for more spins. 

I attended a pre-school in Blackfoot. The only thing I remember about that time was a girl took my Terry Lee doll and tied the clothes into a tight knot. Which we never did get them untied. 

Mother taught 3rd grade at Groveland Elementary School.  I attended 1st through 3rd grade there. 
Mrs. Delhousen was my 1st grade teacher.  Mrs. Hale was 2nd grade and 3rd grade was Mrs. Lillian Lim, my mother. 
 
At that time, most shots were given by the school nurses.  We bused into Blackfoot to one of the schools.  We lined up and one by one got our needed shots. Then loaded up and bused back to Groveland Elementary.  I have no idea if any of the students got sick or had a reaction. I never heard Mother talk about it.
   
LILLIAN B PATTEN LIM AND LELAND VIRGIL LIM

After Dad return from WWII, mother and dad returned to the family farm in Riverside, Idaho. Here started our family.  

Mother had her first miscarriage while living in Pensacola, Florida. It would be the first of seven.  After they were married, mother join dad as this is where he was transferred while waiting to be deployed overseas.

There were quite a few young married couple and they joined together and enjoyed all of their activities together.  
Dad said all the servicemen were told if they went to the beach and were sunburned to the point they could not report for daily duty, they would be put in the Brig. They were now the property of the United State Government. 

Aunt Hana, mother's sister went and stayed with mom and dad for a while. Aunt Hana got a job and where she worked was a doorman who Aunt Hana always spoke to.  The doorman finally ask Aunt Hana where she was from. When Utah was mentioned, the doorman said he knew Aunt Hana was not from the south. When ask ow he knew, he said, "because I am black and whites do not speak to blacks."
After a times, the doorman asks Aunt Hana if she would attend his church where he was a pastor.
So Aunt Hana, along with mother and dad and several of the other couple did. During the service the plates were passed for donations.  Dad had a pocketful of nickels, and he stacked them in his hand. When the plate came, dad let the nickels clink into the plate making it sound like a large number of coins were being put in.  Mother said there were whispers around them as they heard the clinking, and all thought a large donation had been shared.

Mother taught school and Dad drove truck for Kraft as well as taking care of our farm.  Harvest time, everyone helped each other and when the crew were out in the fields, the wives were preparing the food for lunches and we, the little ones were running everywhere. Chasing the chickens, hide-n-seek in the potato cellar. Where we also had the rabbit hutches. 

Dad also drove snowplows during winter. Mother also was the water monitor for irrigation schedules per each farm. At this time the phones were on party lines.  Each home had a certain ring and often times when you picked up the phone there would be someone talking. As well there were some who would listen to all the calls of others.

Dad was also involved with basketball and coached. But his one love of Scouts carried throughout his life.  There were times, I was told, Dad would be coaching, and I was in a buggy downstairs by the furnace area sleeping.  Dad would send one of the team down to check on me.  

Dad played church ball for many years. Basketball, softball which he broke his right hand several times.

Durning this time, mother would attend BYU at summertime.  At that time, you could teach with only 2 years of college. Which mother was doing, but summer meant moving to Provo, UT for mother to complete her degree in Education. Which she did graduate, and taught 3rd and 4th grade for 37 years.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Procrastination

Procrastination



As I sit here, I am and have been guilty of putting off the start of blogging. Procrastination has been dogging me again and I have been allowing it to be present daily.

Self Talk:
1.  I am new to this
2.  I haven’t learned how yet
3.  I don’t want to appear foolish
4.  I don’t have access to the internet every day
5.  I will come back and work on this later
6.  I hear, “just start,” but I don’t know enough yet
7.  I work best under pressure
8.  I am still pulling together ideas

Basically,  it comes down to my own feelings of  inadequacy.  I will not measure up.  Now ask myself, ” just who am I putting myself next to, for what and who’s measurement am I holding myself up against?”
Self talk can be either positive or our worst enemy.  Where is the balance that is much needed to be creative, motivated for moving forward and improving each day?  Instead I have allowed the negative to enter, take a front row seat in my head and it is the conductor of my backward steps.  Or standing still and making a large rut by no movement, just remaining in one spot, trudging to what?  “I will do it tomorrow,”…..  Scarlett O’Hara-Gone With The Wind.

Description of insanity…”Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”

One of my children, he was 8 at the time, told me, “Mom I hate when you push yourself so hard to complete a project.  Then you collapse from pushing to complete what you should have already finished.”

What he was also saying but not in words, as I knew just exactly what my children have witnessed many times……I knew the time line.  I keep putting off either starting or completing project/projects.  I have left it to the last minute and then I become so consumed with finishing the project, I am so tunneled vision that nothing around me exists.  Then when the project is completed, I collapse from complete exhaustion.

My family has witnessed this focused, driven person, that either has tuned out the world around her, or has such an intense attitude, no one wants to venture into the same room or have even left for the day while I wasn’t aware they had gone to play, have fun and avoid any contact with me.  Project finished.  What has really been accomplished by my procrastinating when I knew what guidelines and finish date was?  I can and have looked back at some of these times and wondered, “why do you so this Sidney?”  But the sad habit risings again next time.  I have really become aware of this lousy habit that I have continued to act on for a very long time.

But this is how I have done so many tasks/projects in my adult life and in high school, the reason for lower grades than I was truly capable of (first time admitting this).  Yes procrastination has been a part of my make up for a very long time.  However, is this the legacy I want to be remembered by my children.  NO NO NO!  Then I must really take stock of myself and stop this.

Now at this time, I have become aware of my depression and how it's figured into my life these past few years. I have been in survival mode since divorce loomed in 2000.  Come 2010, now looking back,depression was really controlling my life.  Which now I can see how it was over all a last year and I think the same with most of 2012. 

I have been working not to do this, and yet, reading daily posts on Face Book, I have allowed this u-endearing habit to be forefront.  I must take stock of self,  jump into the activity, learn as I am blogging.

I daily search Face Book and so enjoy sharing the positive up beat quotes.  I read and save many for my own journal/person writing, but I am not absorbing the quality of the meanings.  This I must work on.

For a very long time, I have been so serious, not seeing the simple laughter, things that bring smiles to our faces.  The true enjoyment and beauty of sunsets, playful animals, babies giggles, a shared laugh between friends.  These little natural miracles that the Lord shares with us each day, how many do we miss?  How may have I missed?  For sure the amount is great for me.
 
As children, play yard banter, “Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  But yes they do.  And for the most part, words can and do hurt and bruise deeper then the stones that can break a bone.  Now as one person, my self talk is hurting myself.  This one person, “me” must address this and make changes, and bring balance into my life as I am sure it was in place when I came into this world to start on this earthly journey.

One year ago, I had health issues that arrived due to someone else’s choice of lifestyle that filtered into my home.  It did not take me long to make changes for exercise, diet, sleep.  I began to see difference in my appearance, my energy.  I immediately now notice a feeling of let down with not being able to walk daily due to work schedule.  Awareness, education and just get up and do it.  I must once again put this into practice for my spiritual benefit.

So why has it taken me so long to really address procrastination and the amount that I have allowed this to control my life?

  •  Recognize
  •  Address
  •  Make Plan
  •  Be Aware of Triggers
  •  Daily Check off list
  • Daily personal accountability 

I can over come this and be successful here and in what I am involved in.
The journey here; what do I truly desire?
  • Work from home
  • Take back my time
  • Build a residual in come 
  • Pay it forward
  • Service in community (doing this anonymously is important to me )
  • Being completely in the Lord's service

 All of this I can achieve, but I must be on constant guard to when the negative is circling, to make sure the gate is not slammed shut with me at the center.    I can learn, I will fall, I CAN get back up, I can progress.  I enjoy sharing what I have learned, I can do that here.   As I learn, there will be adjustments that I must make to improve.  To keep my mind open to those who are willing to share and teach so that I can learn and be ready to help others as they seek out assistant for their beginning or start over.    Today I am taking my first steps into blogging.

I want to fly with the Eagles   :)   Sidney
/swelch/blog/procrastination/

Thursday, June 24, 2010

As I am trying to learn how to set up a site, put on links, and have a nice appealing landing page, I find that I know less and less. 

This week, is my 63rd birthday and yesterday Wednesday June 234rd, I had a great call from life long friend Candy (Brown) Gadalla.  It was great talking with her and Candy made me laugh, LOTSSSSSSSSSSS.  It was wonderful talking with her.