Self Talk:
1. I am new to this
2. I haven’t learned how yet
3. I don’t want to appear foolish
4. I don’t have access to the internet every day
5. I will come back and work on this later
6. I hear, “just start,” but I don’t know enough yet
7. I work best under pressure
8. I am still pulling together ideas
Basically, it comes down to my own feelings of inadequacy. I will not measure up. Now ask myself, ” just who am I putting myself next to, for what and who’s measurement am I holding myself up against?”
Self talk can be either positive or our worst enemy. Where is the balance that is much needed to be creative, motivated for moving forward and improving each day? Instead I have allowed the negative to enter, take a front row seat in my head and it is the conductor of my backward steps. Or standing still and making a large rut by no movement, just remaining in one spot, trudging to what? “I will do it tomorrow,”….. Scarlett O’Hara-Gone With The Wind.
Description of insanity…”Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”
One of my children, he was 8 at the time, told me, “Mom I hate when you push yourself so hard to complete a project. Then you collapse from pushing to complete what you should have already finished.”
What he was also saying but not in words, as I knew just exactly what my children have witnessed many times……I knew the time line. I keep putting off either starting or completing project/projects. I have left it to the last minute and then I become so consumed with finishing the project, I am so tunneled vision that nothing around me exists. Then when the project is completed, I collapse from complete exhaustion.
My family has witnessed this focused, driven person, that either has tuned out the world around her, or has such an intense attitude, no one wants to venture into the same room or have even left for the day while I wasn’t aware they had gone to play, have fun and avoid any contact with me. Project finished. What has really been accomplished by my procrastinating when I knew what guidelines and finish date was? I can and have looked back at some of these times and wondered, “why do you so this Sidney?” But the sad habit risings again next time. I have really become aware of this lousy habit that I have continued to act on for a very long time.
But this is how I have done so many tasks/projects in my adult life and in high school, the reason for lower grades than I was truly capable of (first time admitting this). Yes procrastination has been a part of my make up for a very long time. However, is this the legacy I want to be remembered by my children. NO NO NO! Then I must really take stock of myself and stop this.
Now at this time, I have become aware of my depression and how it's figured into my life these past few years. I have been in survival mode since divorce loomed in 2000. Come 2010, now looking back,depression was really controlling my life. Which now I can see how it was over all a last year and I think the same with most of 2012.
I have been working not to do this, and yet, reading daily posts on Face Book, I have allowed this u-endearing habit to be forefront. I must take stock of self, jump into the activity, learn as I am blogging.
I daily search Face Book and so enjoy sharing the positive up beat quotes. I read and save many for my own journal/person writing, but I am not absorbing the quality of the meanings. This I must work on.
For a very long time, I have been so serious, not seeing the simple laughter, things that bring smiles to our faces. The true enjoyment and beauty of sunsets, playful animals, babies giggles, a shared laugh between friends. These little natural miracles that the Lord shares with us each day, how many do we miss? How may have I missed? For sure the amount is great for me.
As children, play yard banter, “Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” But yes they do. And for the most part, words can and do hurt and bruise deeper then the stones that can break a bone. Now as one person, my self talk is hurting myself. This one person, “me” must address this and make changes, and bring balance into my life as I am sure it was in place when I came into this world to start on this earthly journey.
One year ago, I had health issues that arrived due to someone else’s choice of lifestyle that filtered into my home. It did not take me long to make changes for exercise, diet, sleep. I began to see difference in my appearance, my energy. I immediately now notice a feeling of let down with not being able to walk daily due to work schedule. Awareness, education and just get up and do it. I must once again put this into practice for my spiritual benefit.
So why has it taken me so long to really address procrastination and the amount that I have allowed this to control my life?
- Recognize
- Address
- Make Plan
- Be Aware of Triggers
- Daily Check off list
- Daily personal accountability
I can over come this and be successful here and in what I am involved in.
The journey here; what do I truly desire?
- Work from home
- Take back my time
- Build a residual in come
- Pay it forward
- Service in community (doing this anonymously is important to me )
- Being completely in the Lord's service
All of this I can achieve, but I must be on constant guard to when the negative is circling, to make sure the gate is not slammed shut with me at the center. I can learn, I will fall, I CAN get back up, I can progress. I enjoy sharing what I have learned, I can do that here. As I learn, there will be adjustments that I must make to improve. To keep my mind open to those who are willing to share and teach so that I can learn and be ready to help others as they seek out assistant for their beginning or start over. Today I am taking my first steps into blogging.
I want to fly with the Eagles
Sidney/swelch/blog/procrastination/
